Memoir.

Day 7.

I think I have an alarm clock set to 3 am in my head. For some reason, all the pills that they give me to go to bed aren't strong enough to knock me out for more than 5 hours. So I always find myself, waking up at 3, or around that time, blood pressure going through the roof, for no reason. You wold think they would give me something to calm me down, but no. They give me nothing. The meds I take before I go to sleep is 16 mg of rozerem. They used to have me on trazadone but it didn't work for me. If you know anything about insomnia, you would think that trazadone would knock me right out. Hahaha, unfortunately my sleep pattern doesn't want to work with that. Sure the meds help and all, I mean at least I do fall asleep, but waking up at 3 and not being able to fall back asleep is a pain.
They have a recipe here, its called magic milk. Its suppose to help the "children falls dead asleep". Its pretty much just sugar, vanilla extract and milk though. And no, that also doesn't work on me, but it is pretty yummy. Thats what I ordered this morning, right when I woke up. I pressed the little red call button to get a nurse, and politely asked for some magic milk. Unfortunately it took them a half hour to get it. Why? I don't know, but for some reason I had the patience to wait. I usually don't have patience however. But in the middle of the night, my mind was calm and set together. Eventually I fell back asleep, say around 5 or so. Woke back up at 7 in the morning. Cleaned my room, talked to my nurse, put in my extenstions, put on my make-up [even though i don't need it here] and ate breakfast. Then came group, which is pretty much us talkin about "your goals for the day" and "how you're feeling". I think doing this is pointless. Especially for today. I have no goals. They given me every worksheet in this place and I've done it all. If only I worked this hard at school...hahah. Anyways though, the other day, they gave me 3 surveys on eating disorders. I KNOW. I'VE LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT. AND NO I DO NOT HAVE AN EATING DISORDER!

Stress. I must go outside now, its "group" time. Ugh.