Today.

I've been in weird mood all day. Swear to god. I woke up this morning, depressed out of my mind. I hopped in my car, listened to some music, trying to make my day better. I got a text from my ex, more problems start to arise. He cares about me, but he doesn't need me, and if he needs me he has the worst way of showing it. I got to school, listened to a song on repeat. Blasting it like I was the only person in sight. Sometimes I wish I could just go into my own world. A world where I'm by myself, trying to find a balance between this here reality and the dream I wish I was living. I saw my psychologist yesterday. And she made me make a list of things I want in my life. I don't know what I want in life. Actually scratch that, I do. I want happiness. But happiness is hard to achieve. I had that once, but I don't know what happened. It disappeared. You know, I'm in a good place right now. I feel alright. I feel better than alright. I feel great. But knowing me, thats gonna change. I got issues, I'm emotional, I tend to take things the wrong way, but it doesn't matter to me. What I do is what I do.

I'm getting sick of receiving the same advice. Over the past few days all I've been hearing is

"Its all gonna work out in the end" "In the end, everything will be better"

But what if the end never comes? What If I'm just stuck here in the middle, going through life's ups and downs? I wanna find the balance. I wanna try to find this balance that I find my self stuck in. I wanna get up and leave. I might do that right now. Get up and leave. Get up get out get the hell out of town, go do something worth something. Shit.